As we go through life there are the positive occasions for laughter, fun, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, marriages, and births, all of which are happy and pleasant events. On the negative side, there are the incidences of sickness, disappointment, hospitals, and even death. How you have reacted to these events in your life has made you…. you.
When we experience a loss that is expected, especially the passing of an elderly parent or friend, it is somewhat anticipated, and even though predictable, the loss can still be painful. It’s the sudden death of those same family members, friends, and loved ones that seem to hurt the most. We feel they were taken much too soon from our lives, and the question of why is at the forefront of our thoughts and feelings.
If something bad was going to happen, we wonder why can’t it happen to a person who deserves it? That bank robber, rapist, drug dealer, or some other social deviant or miscreant? Why my good person?
The answer to our grief is…. Time … heals all wounds. Maybe….
Ten years ago, I had one of these losses when my older brother was killed in a motorcycle accident by a driver in a truck on a cell phone who wasn’t paying attention. Last week, almost to the day, I lost another friend under the same exact circumstances. Both men were educated, well-traveled, had families and were good, hard-working, productive men with a very exciting life ahead of them, full of promise. Gone in the blink of an eye, by an irresponsible driver. Why? Why now? Why them? Why not someone else?
Attending a new funeral under the same circumstances was a déjà vu I never wanted to repeat but was forced to against my will, all because of fate?
If both of my loved ones had just been 30 seconds earlier or 30 seconds later while driving, they would have missed that fateful accident. Both would still be here. In the face of adversity, grief, and sorrow we soldier on, making the best of these situations and being strong for other loved ones that were affected to a greater degree. We want to be the pillar they can lean on in this moment of grief.
Each of us has our go-to safe place, either physically or mentally, that we escape to in order to deal with these events. In both cases, I personally wondered “what if it were me?” What would happen to my family, will they be taken care of? Is everything in order? We can all start a checklist of “to do” items to ensure there is no unfinished business.
Will or Trust? Beneficiaries on all financial accounts? Power of Attorney for both health and financial? Do Not Resuscitate order? A file or notebook where everything is organized so as not to leave a grieving spouse or child with a mountain of paperwork to be dealt with while also dealing with the fresh grief of loss?
Use your experience as a catalyst to put your house in order. You be the person that makes it easy for that family member who’s left behind to deal with everything. Do them the favor by making it easy to deal with your affairs. By having all these other items completed, you have given them the gift of time. The time they need to heal.
Our staff of professionals is ready to assist you with anything you need to complete your affairs. If you need help, call us.